I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
