idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
