They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
