dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
