my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
