I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
