I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
birth control should be required to get into college
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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