i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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