WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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