Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
