If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
