The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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