"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
