my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
