If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
