i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
