maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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