Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
