man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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