Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
