I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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