i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
