He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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