I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
