and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize