I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
