you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
