It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
