Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
