At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Boobs speak an international language.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
