i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
