I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
