You don't have asthma, your pregnant
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
