After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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