I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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