Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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