Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
