We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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