Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
