"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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