Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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