I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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