she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
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