Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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