wanna go halves on a baby?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
