Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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