The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
