Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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