No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Less talking, more tequila
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
