dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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