Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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